She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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