I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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