I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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