Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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