I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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