hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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