Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
