I heard we made out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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