he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize