So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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