I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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