garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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