Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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