How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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