Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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