doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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