he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
