Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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