Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can i not drive my cunt home
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
