Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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