6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
