I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont even know how to be here
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
