and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
