so explain again why im purple
no
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
