my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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