woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
