first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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