get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize