All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
