Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
