i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
