i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize