i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize