My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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