Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
