I got chris browned last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
