I'm jealous of your bromance
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
