Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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