how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Even my vagina gasped.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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