I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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