You're so nebulous sometimes
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
