And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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