I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
