im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize