We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize