May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
