You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugly people sure do ruin things
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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