smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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