Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
