There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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