Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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