You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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