sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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