Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
