He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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