Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
