HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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