I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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