Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
