I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
