I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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