Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
