And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
