conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize