Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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