dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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