Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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