the condom got lost in my hair
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I didn't notice because vodka
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
