final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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