I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
