he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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