I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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