are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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